We were assigned to self-learn the subjunctive after instruction last monday. It is 3 pm THIS Monday. I am at work. I have already called my Portuguese-teaching father to ask him how to cheat that I studied. My father, the former Baptist, does not know how to cheat anything. (By “cheat” I mean “Engorge your brain quickly with knowledge in easy, maniacal steps.” I do not advocate real cheating, because I used to be an English teacher in the public schools, and I have a chip in my ass that makes sure that if I don’t do all I can to take down the monster of plagiarism, I will explode like a Japanese Nuclear reactor.) My dad only runs with honest hard work like the little son of Pilgrims he was programmed to be. Arrrrgh! How he got through the UC system to a PhD is a testament to the fact that a few can actually do all that work, since throwing too much material and seeing how you cope with it is their teaching model. I have no doubt my father read every word that he was ever assigned.
And of course, there’s the shameful fact that my prof is doing this class for free but I’ve put more effort into arranging my shoe tree this week.
Why do we procrastinate so, when we hold the only key to our goals in our hand and then don’t open the effing book? Why is it so hard?
I am totally motivated to learn Portuguese. I want to do my research, and by golly, it’s going to involve some reading in said language. I already went to the Berkeley library to research my piece for the Marsh, and there were three shelves of books on Cape Verde. Four were in English. One was from what seemed to be a pirate or a deckhand recounting his travels at the turn of the 20th century, but was obviously blowing distasteful smoke up my unimpressed arse. So that left three.
Imagine all the stuff I couldn’t read on those inviting shelves. Imagine what I’ve already lost NOT speaking this language.
Maybe I’m just lazy.
How do you get yourself motivated?